Without Music

Originally excerpted in 1972 from the unreleased collection, Why Do I Have Corns On My Feet?

This is the way it is without music
	Stale dishwater—untechnicolored
	Rich in the recommended calories
	And the not so recommended grease
	Whose stagnant inactivity
	Leaves a ten hour old tidal mark
	Around the half-emersed pile
	Of breakfast dishes
The floor—two days away from its last scrubbing
	Ready for another
Pajamas that nobody had time to hang up
	Laying in any place but the right place
And dust everywhere!
	You know it.
	But since the daylight reveals it best
	And you only see the place by light bulb
	Until the weekend rolls around
	The dust can stay
This is it Mariah
	Plus you standing there
Watching the roaches you’ve tried everything to get rid of
	Run from the sudden light
	With a bag full of groceries on one arm
	Plus the youngest one on the other arm
You’re too tired to talk
	But you talk anyway
Too occupied with strategy
To accomplish another day’s work
To listen
	But you listen
	Give answers—the recommended ones in
	The ladies journals
Save your child from a neurosis
			Give it love
Never, never scream at it
			Give it love
Invert your desperation
			Give it love
				love
				love!
What is your love Mariah?
	It is not like the ones in the TV shows
	Not like the movies
	Nor the stories with the
	"Happy-ever-after" endings
But
	There is a rhythm to which you move
	A melody your stir
	And this is it:
		
Heat some water if there is none hot
Wash a dish—fill up a pot
Set it on the stove—pick up a book
Trash day’s tomorrow—tie the bundle while you cook
Bandage Johnny’s finger with love love love
Answer his question, "Why is God up above,
Why isn’t he down here—We need him so
If heaven’s so good, why don’t we go?"
Wash a few more dishes—set them on the table
Give the floor a few licks and a promise
If you’re able
		You’ll finish the dirty rest							Tomorrow

What is tomorrow to you Mariah?
	Tomorrow is the day you give
	Your involuntary promise to
	It’s the seven o’clock rush to the nursery
	And the car card ads that won’t let
	You read anything else but them
					And the time clock

Tomorrow is your double shift—done on half-time pay
A full day on the Job and another at home
Tomorrow is the smell of Johnny’s urine on you
From rushing him so fast to the nursery
It is you trying t© look like a "million dollar a year”
Stage star—On three bucks worth of cosmetics
	It is you trying to present a vision—a dream
	Of what you once looked like to your man
Tomorrow is the problems of the woman who works next to you
	It is the deep courageous laughter at abandoned dreams
And it is more than that
	It is the I-can-get-another-”girly look
	In your boss’ eyes
	When you ask for time off—"Again?”—
To take Sally to the clinic
Tomorrow is you wondering
	How big do women grow where he comes from?
	How strong—how enduring?
Tomorrow is whether there are enough eggs in the house
	For breakfast
	And clean clothes enough to go around
It is the day that comes
	Just as you lie down
	Before the knots are untied
	The body refreshed
It is the"other woman” your husband wonders about
When he can’t arouse you for love talk and sex
It’s the exhaustion you slept with
And the outlook for the next night’s same companion
It is you being the”little woman” again
To friends your husband brings in
For card games and joking and beer
And it is dirty glasses afterwards—and ash trays

It is resolution and resolve to do more the next day
It is you trying to make ends meet that never have met yet
It is a mere seventh of your eighty hour work week
It is your music that is not yet called music